The Best Kept Secret Blog - Giving The Old Heave Ho To My Inner Nice Girl

I envy the mean girls, the tough girls, the girls who smoked in the washroom, who weren't afraid to elbow other players in the chest during field hockey games, who could seamlessly lie to their parents about where they really were on Friday night.

I suspect these girls have grown into women who buck the trend, rise up the corporate ladder and march to their own drummer.

I was never one of these girls. No, I was a nice girl. The "go-to" girl if you needed someone to help you out, pump you up and cheer you on.

And quite frankly, the persona served me well.

Early on in my career, people liked having me around. I was reliable. Dependable. Malleable.

I was always a great side-kick for my more diva-esqe friends. I played Betty to their Veronica. It worked.

But something changed when I turned 40. Along with all the superficial hoop-la that accompanies that milestone, I remember telling myself that my new mantra would be "I'm 40 years old, dang it, and I'm old enough to do what I want."

Translation: I would no longer be so nice, so all-pleasing. I would speak my mind and do as I pleased.

At first it didn't work. Try as I might, my inner nice girl had a strangle hold on me. I kept smiling too much. I kept hearing myself say, "I can help with that."

But slowly, very slowly, things are changing. And not because of any effort on my part. It's like a chemical change is going on in my brain and I just don't care as much what people think. (Nor can I remember as much what people say and I suspect that might have something to do with things.)

I spend less time on looking good and looking in mirrors. I speak my mind and have no problems saying no if I don't want to do something. And, with a devil-may-care attitude, I'm starting to do what I want. (Much to my husband's dismay.)

If this trend continues, I'm on my way to becoming a cranky, old b. . . woman. (Okay, okay. I said things were changing slowly.)