The Best Kept Secret Blog - Our Beautiful Daughters

I remember a day a couple of years ago when I was out and about in a trendy downtown Toronto shopping district.

I happened to notice two mothers with their teenage daughters. All four were beautiful - the girls in that impossibly gorgeous way that teenagers have and the mothers in that toned, I go to the gym and get my hair done twice a month sort of way. The mothers were dressed, more or less, like their daughters in expensive jeans, great shoes and floaty tops.

In addition to their striking good looks, the behaviour of the group gave me pause. They were looking at the offerings of a street vendor selling jewelry. Two in the group were surveying the bounty with a keen and discriminating eye. The mothers, on the other hand, were exclaiming wildly over the wares, trying everything on and making a giddy scene.

At the time, I remember tsk, tsking and saying to myself, "Why can't these moms grow up? They're beautiful in their own right but they aren't teenagers anymore. It's time to let their daughters shine."

I'm reminded of that episode as I watch my own pre-teen daughter morph into a beautiful young woman. Tall for her age, she's suddenly wearing my clothes and shoes and I'm struck by how much better she looks in them than I do.

And here's where I'm going to fess up. As proud and pleased as I am, I also have moments where I feel a little pang of something. Jealousy? Competition? Or grief over what I no longer am.

I'm going to wager that I'm not the only woman who goes through this. One friend commented recently on how beautiful teenage girls are. She pondered why they're so much better looking these days than we were when we were teens.

Another friend confessed that she's amazed by how well endowed young women are in the bosom department. With one or two possible exceptions, she says she doesn't remember any of her classmates filling out their sweaters quite the same way young women do these days. (At least not without the aid of some strategically placed toilet paper.)

I wasn't exactly a raving beauty when I was younger but I didn't break any mirrors either. And if I have to be completely honest, I anticipate I'm going to have some personal challenges over the next few years as I come to terms with this.

As my daughter discovers makeup and mine just sinks into the wrinkles around my eyes, it'll be tough. As she grows into my clothes and I grow out of them, I might be jealous. And as she gets her period and I say good-bye to mine, it will be bittersweet.

Fortunately, I love my children more than anything else and take pride in who they are - accomplishments and appearance. This will probably get me through the worst of it.

Secondly, I'm really learning that one of the tricks for handling the physical changes that come with middle-age is to avoid mirrors.

And finally, ever the Pollyanna, I figure it's time to look ahead to what good things come from this stage of life. You know, things like insight and energy and humour and a sense of purpose.

As my beautiful pre-teen likes to say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemon-aid". I think I'll have a glass while I sit back and watch her shine.