The Best Kept Secret Blog - Help Me Marie Osmond, I Dance Like A Guy

I wish I was more like Marie Osmond.

This past year the spunky 48 year old has had more than her fair share of mid-life trauma. She's dealt with divorce, the death of her father and two teenage daughters who keep posting trashy talk on their MySpace page.

But all of this pales to what she's up to now. Marie is putting herself out there and Dancing With The Stars. Marie is doing it "for all the women over 45".

If only I could dance like Marie. But fate, in it's cruel and arbitrary way, has seen fit to make me dance like a guy.

Yes, to see me on a dance floor is to be reminded of an awkward seventeen year old at his prom, anxiously waiting for the D.J. to play Stairway To Heaven so he can at least lean on his date and not look so awkward attempting to do The Hustle.

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know I had a problem for quite some time. Oh sure, I should have known something was amiss way back when I was a teen. Grooving to the beat at an end of the year bash, my partner commented that he had never seen moves like mine before. I just thought he was coming on to me.

I curbed my enthusiasm somewhat when my husband, (who, by the way, could give Fred Astaire a run for his money) suggested I might not want to flail my arms about so much. While it did result in less dance floor injuries, his comment sewed the seeds of doubt. Maybe I wasn't that good after all.

By the time I reached 40, I knew I really stunk. By now we were only dancing at company Christmas parties and, being conscious of helping my husband impress the big boss who might happen to glance our way, I kept my big, arm flailing gestures in check.

Which left me with a dance floor repertoire of two moves- shuffle to the right, shuffle to the left. That's when it hit me - oh sugar, I dance like a guy!

I tried to do something about it. I suggested we take dance lessons. Five sessions and two hundred bucks later I was no better off. But my husband did enjoy the way our instructor, Tiffany, flirted with him all night.

With the Christmas party season soon upon us, I'm beginning to feel a little panicky again. Another party, another opportunity to underwhelm on the dance floor.

So I'm looking to you, Marie, role model for 40 somethings everywhere. Where once you taught me how to be the girl next door, now I'm looking to you to show me how to dance like a star.

You can see more of Marie in her video, Dancing With The Starved.