The Best Kept Secret Blog - The Art of Grooming

When I was fourteen, my best friend L. and I got our hands on her older sister's copy of The Art of Grooming.

L. had been "a mistake". This meant that not only was her older sister much older, so were her older sister's books. Having first been published circa 1957, The Art of Grooming was a "how-to" manual for young ladies in their teen years.

When we got past the pictures of teenage girls demurely sipping Coca-Cola while cardigan wearing teenage boys strummed guitars in their midst, we learned, among other things, to:

• always keep our fingernails clean;
• use a little Vaseline for lip gloss;
• never, under any circumstances, indulge in heavy petting.

Apart from the fact that we weren't quite sure what heavy petting was but it sounded good and smutty, The Art of Grooming was a guide that helped us through our adolescent angst.

I thought of The Art of Grooming several times in the past few weeks as I spoke with some of the fashion mavens who contribute to The Best Kept Secret website. According to them, looking good over 40 is all about grooming.

“Being well groomed is key at this age." Or “Forget the trendy clothes. Put your time and money into grooming.”

I nodded sagely, hoping that this morning’s application of Vaseline hadn't worn off my lips. But deep down inside I wasn’t so sure what this really meant. What does a well-groomed midlife woman look like and what does she do to get there?

I needed an Art of Grooming For The Midlife Woman. A how-to manual for the mature woman that has pictures of cougarish 40-somethings knocking back martini’s while paunchy middle-aged men in mock-turtlenecks try not to pass gas in their midst.

Sadly, such a tome does not exist. But were I to write one, I don’t think things would be all that different from the 1957 version. For example, among other things, the midlife woman should:

• always keep her fingernails clean. Dirty nails will call attention to the crepey skin that reminds us so much of our grandmother’s hands;
  
• use a little Vaseline for lip gloss – it helps get the swelling down after a collagen lip injection.
  
• never, under any circumstances, indulge in heavy petting. If you’re already married, your husband will think you’ve run up the Visa card again. If you’re not married, you’ll risk missing Grey’s Anatomy. (Come to think of it, if you’re married you’ll miss Grey’s Anatomy and get in trouble for running up the Visa card.)