The Best Kept Secret Blog - Can't We All Just Get Along? When Women Are Mean.

Someone should be yelling, "Fight, fight!" They're beating up on Charla Krupp.

Charla Krupp is the author of the recently released book, How Not To Look Old.

Here is a comment that was left on The Rage Diaries blog , referring to a Today Show video of Charla Krupp discussing her book.

"The utter shallowness of it is inexcusable. And since she started it (heh), I'm not caring for her bleached teeth, overly styled hair, and Marcia Brady dress in that clip. I don't think she looks particularly "with it" or professional."

Meow.

Now, while I'd be willing to bet that the majority of us would agree that looks aren't everything, come on - I know you're just a tad curious about what Charla has to say.

In fact, a recent DefineYourself.ca poll of over 5,000 Canadian midlife women found that on the beauty front, women often say one thing - the party line - but quietly do something else.

So, a typical woman might say she does what she can when she has the time but secretly, she aspires to maintain a certain image. While she might say she wears makeup but not all the time, wearing makeup is really the norm and going au naturel is the exception.

Unfortunately, it's the nastiness of comments like these and the emotions that accompany them that makes our generation lie about what they do. For some women, "maintenance" has become their dirty little secret. Only their hairdresser and Botox practitioner know for sure.

It seems as if, on the one hand, we have the militant naturalists ("You shall go grey!") and on the other hand, we have the closet beauty junkies ("Just give me half a dose. I don't want to look like I've had something 'done.'")

I learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut.

Over a glass of wine at a fund raising event, I got chatting with a 50-something woman whom I had just met. For some reason, we got on to the topic of famous actresses who had had "work" done.

Buoyed by the Merlot, I was feeling rather chummy and conspiratorial as I told my new friend that I didn't think it was right for women to have plastic surgery. In my early 40s at the time, I truly believed that a slick of lipstick and well coiffed hair was enough to do any woman proud.

My acquaintance let me drone on for some time until she eventually responded by informing me, "I had my first surgery three years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done."

Oops.

The hostility is sometimes palpable and I can't help but be reminded of the "Mommy Wars" from the days when my children were younger.

Go out and work? What kind of a mother are you?

Stay home and play? What kind of a low-life, big butt soccer mom are you?

Working part time, I was in the middle and most days felt like I failed miserably on both fronts.

"Can't stay late and have drinks with the team - I have to pick up little Johnny." "What? Store bought cookies aren't okay for the bake sale? But I don't have time to whip up 40 pies."

But I had an epiphany one day as I was making falafel for my youngest daughter's Foods of the World Grade Two project.

As I finished frying up 150 falafel that started out as a $2.99 box of mix at the grocery store (No, please don't make me grind my own chick peas), I realized how pleased I was that a) I hadn't set the kitchen on fire and that b) my finished product, though hard as hockey pucks, at least vaguely resembled the real thing.

And while I realized that there would be those who might diss me for not using garbanzo beans imported from Jerusalem, it was okay because I was doing my best.

Whether or not you agree with what Charla Krupp espouses in her book is a personal choice. But have some compassion for those on either side of the debate. After all, they're just trying to do their best.