The Best Kept Secret Blog - My Meno-Oirs

Dear Diary

I can’t decide if it’s due to menopause induced mood swings or the children and their friends playing Guitar Hero at ear splitting volumes, but I’ve noticed I’ve been a little testy lately.

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Oh, Hello. You’ve caught me working on my latest hobby, my memoirs - or, as I prefer to call them, my Meno-oirs.

It’s my own spin on a trend that’s gaining momentum amongst younger moms – writing their Momoirs. Apparently it’s all the rage for young mothers to record their thoughts and feelings on motherhood in order to a) pass on these memories as a keepsake to their children and/or b) sell them to a top-ranked publishing house in hopes of becoming a top-selling Chick-lit author.

Unfortunately for me, it’s been well over a decade since I was a new mom and my memory is a little foggy on the details of life with baby. If pressed, the best I could come up with for my daughter would be:

It was the middle of the night. As I held your tiny body and crooned the one lullabye I knew all the words to, there was only one thought in my mind. . . “Thank goodness I didn’t have twins”

Since I missed the boat on recording that particular womanly right on passage, I’m trying my hand at recording the details of the one I’m currently struggling with – peri-menopause.

Since I’m in the early stages of this particular game, I’m often confused about the signs and symptoms. I’m never quite sure if it’s live, or if it’s Meno-rex. Consequently, I’ve decided to start my Meno-oirs by discussing the confusion I so often experience.

I call my first chapter, Are You There MenoPause? It’s me, Karen. Here’s a little sample. . .

I don’t understand what’s happening to my body.

Is it menopause that’s causing my periods to be so messed up or do I have some horrible disease that requires immediate medical attention? Are these night-sweats happening because of “the change” or did I simply drink too many glasses of cheap Chardonnay before bed? And why is my brain in such a fog? Why do I keep . . . . Uh, I forgot what I was going to say. . . “

So there you have it – the beginning of what I hope will one day stand as a testament for my loved ones, explaining this often confusing phase of my life.

Okay, you caught me – my real motivation is to sell it in hopes of raking in the big bucks. Between you and me, I see this going big – maybe even snagging me some movie rights. I can see it now. I’m hoping they’ll be able to get Angelina Jolie to play the lead role. . .