The Best Kept Secret Blog - Out Of The Mouths of Seniors

Okay, so maybe it didn't rank up there with finding a cure for cancer or being selected as a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance Canada but I was proud of what I had done. An article of mine had been published in the December issue of More magazine.

Like any proud writer I told all my friends, casual acquaintances and the woman who sat next to me on the subway about the piece. And I handed out copies of the magazine to the people in my life whom I wanted to impress, including my 80-something mother-in-law.

I love my in-laws and think we have a pretty good relationship as far as these things go but given my mother-in-law comes from a generation that values hard work and a strong moral backbone, I can`t help but wonder if she`s not just a little perplexed as to why I schlep around in Lulu Lemon`s all day, drinking coffee and tapping away on my computer keyboard, all the while calling it work. My article was vindication, proof that I had a "real" job.

My husband dropped off the magazine and I didn`t hear a peep until two weeks later when my mother-in-law called to discuss the particulars for an upcoming family gathering.

We had just dispensed with the business of whether I would bring a salad or dessert when she mentioned the article.

Mother-in-Law (MIL): "Oh, and by the way dear, I read your article."

Me (Casually, preparing to bask in the glow of her praise): "Oh - what did you think?"

MIL: "I found it really depressing and didn`t care for it much but it did seem to be grammatically correct."

Me: "But the article is about three women who tried to reinvent themselves at midlife, failed yet learned from their mistakes and became all the better for it. It`s meant to be uplifting."

MIL: "The women in your article were so obsessed with their looks and their hair turning gray. I don`t see how you can call that uplifting dear."

Me: "But the article chronicles a woman who went through a painful divorce, an entrepreneur whose first business flopped and an author who unwittingly made very publishing mistake in the book. It doesn`t even mention their looks."

MIL: "Well, maybe it was just the magazine itself but it seems like all you girls in your 40s and 50s are so worried about getting older and whether you`re accomplishing enough. Why I`d love to be in my 40s again. You should tell those women to buck up and do some volunteer work - they`d all be better off thinking about someone else than worrying about themselves so much.

"Now, how are those grandchildren of mine?"


At first, I was deflated by our conversation - didn`t she know how big of an accomplishment this was for me?

But the more I thought about our conversation, the more I detected some grains of wisdom in her words. Perhaps in our generation`s bid to celebrate midlife, we`re spending too much time at the party.

Where our mother's only provisions for navigating midlife were a box of Lady Clairol and the occasional discreet joke about "The Change:, we turn to books, magazines, coaches and websites to be our guide. We worship at the altar of reinvention and look at aging like we`re staring into the fiery maw of the devil himself.

Maybe we`re looking for too much reassurance that I`m Okay - You`re Okay and like my mother-in-law suggests, we need to get on with more important things.

I, in fact, have already made my first move in that direction by enrolling in a dance class. Auditions for the next season of So You Think You Can Dance Canada will be starting soon and I intend to be ready.